<emo>

I have never really written on this blog since it's creation more than a year ago. Instead, what was suppose to be a blog for the resurgence of my former music project, has in a way, turned into my un-secured, totally free forum for me to post cool pictures and occasionally take a stab at humor with reviews of commercials, junk food or other assorted things. Ultimately though all those things, whether it be my lame attempts at humor, or my lame attempts at art, it all comes down to one thing ... I keep myself buzy. I've never really known why I do, except for the fact that when I'm busy, the inexplicable feelings of sadness and regret that I have for no real reason, go away. It's a brutal lie I live, hiding from my soul and running from my true feelings, but I do it, and I've spent all of my adult life and most of my teenage life doing it and I do it because its what keeps me going. Its what keeps me from falling off of the margins of society and becoming what we all know so trivially as "another sad fucking story." I've always wanted to break free, but I always feel like I can't. Call me a pussy if you will, but if freedom means the same marginalization from society that I feel like I encountered so long ago, I'd rather be miserable ... because I'm at least miserable for a purpose. But some reason, today I feel different. I feel like there's something out there that is beckoning my call ... but I don't know what it is. And while I sit inside of my ivory emo tower, I am excited. I have hope, for once in my life and I gotta tell ya, its scaring the fucking shit out of me, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it. For an emotional control freak, that's scary enough.
Yeah, I know I'm being ambigious, but that's the point because I don't even know. What I am certain though is this, I took a huge step today in trying to rid myself of my nagging self doubt, and I gotta tell you something, it felt greater than anything I've felt in a very, very long time.

-A